Advantages of Independent Adoptions

Many adoptive parents are reassured by knowing the birth parents personally and dealing with them directly, instead of being afraid that their adoption may fall apart before it is completed. Rather than relying on an agency as a go-between, the birth parent and adoptive parents can meet, get to know each other, and decide for themselves whether to go ahead with the adoption. Independent adoptions also avoid the long waiting lists and restrictive qualifying criteria that can be part of agency adoptions. And independent adoptions usually happen much faster than agency adoptions, often within a year of beginning the search for a child. Finally, independent adoptions can be less expensive than using an agency -- although the adoptive parents will have many of the same costs, like paying the birthmother's expenses, they will save the agency fees.

Disadvantages of Independent Adoptions

Many states place significant restrictions on independent adoptions. For example, states may prohibit adoptive parents from advertising for a birth mother, or limit the amount of money adoptive parents can contribute to the birth mother's prenatal care and medical expenses.

Another concern is that birth parents might not receive adequate counseling during the adoption process. States differ quite a bit on how much counseling they require birth parents to have before making their final decision to give up a child for adoption. If the birth parents do not get the required amount of counseling, this may make your adoption agreement vulnerable.

Some states extend the period during which birth parents may revoke their consent in independent adoptions -- making it longer than for agency adoptions -- and this places your adoption agreement at additional risk. If the agreement does fall apart, the prospective adoptive parents can lose significant investments of time and money without any recourse -- in addition to the heartbreak of losing the child they hoped for.

Even when they are successful -- and they do succeed quite often -- independent adoptions are a lot of work, even with a lawyer's help, which is almost always necessary. Adoptive parents often spend enormous amounts of time and money just finding a birth mother, not to mention the efforts required to follow through and bring the adoption to a close.

Check the legality of independent adoptions in your state. In a few states -- Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, and Minnesota -- independent adoptions are illegal, although in these states it is possible to do an agency-directed adoption after you have identified birth parents. Be sure to check your state laws before you proceed.