Gay and Lesbian Adoptive Parents: Life After Adoption
For gay and lesbian adoptive parents, unique concerns do not end when the adoption is finalized. Following are things for gay and lesbian parent to keep in mind after adoption.
Explaining sexuality to children
All families at one time or another will have "the" discussion on sexuality. For gay and lesbian families this can be an even more sensitive subject. However, a healthy family, regardless of sexual orientation, shares the same core values -- love and respect, commitment and understanding. It is especially important when talking with children to stress what these values mean to the family, and to recognize that there are many different cultures, communities and families around the world.
The Family Pride Coalition, a national advocacy and support organization, offers several suggestions for parents discussing sexuality with their children:
- Be honest about your own identity and comfort level.
- If you are uncomfortable, let your children know you find this hard to talk about, but that you feel it is important for families to talk about difficult things.
- Listen closely to your child, and when possible let your children take the lead. Let them ask questions. Take cues about their level of understanding from the questions they ask, and interact at that level.
- Be as clear as you can be about your own feelings connected to sexuality, coming out, privacy, and family values.
- Consider your child's age and how much information they need.
Getting support
Once an adoption is completed, the business of family life begins. Like all adoptive parents, gay men and lesbians are seeking ways to incorporate their children into their lives and to help them make a smooth transition. They also want to meet other homosexuals who have taken on the challenge of parenting. There are a growing number of support groups to meet these needs.
Len and Fernando, a multiethnic gay couple who adopted 3-year-old Isabel as a toddler, are members of an active group in the Philadelphia area. "Speaking to the parents of older children gives us ideas of how to cope with issues as they come up. Most of the members are women. We could use a few more men!"
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From the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse (U.S. Department of Health & Human Services)
