My ex-spouse was physically abusive to me and the children. How can abuse be prevented during visits with the children?

When a noncustodial parent has a history of violent or destructive behavior, especially toward the child, the court often requires that visitation between that parent and the child be supervised. This means that an adult (other than the custodial parent) must be present at all times during the visit. The adult may be known or unknown to the child, and may be someone agreed on by the parents or appointed by the court. No matter how the adult is chosen, he or she must be approved by the court that ordered the supervised visitation.

Are grandparents entitled to visitation?

All 50 states currently have some type of "grandparent visitation" statute, through which grandparents and sometimes others (foster parents and stepparents, for example) can ask a court to grant them the legal right to maintain their relationships with their grandchildren. But state laws vary greatly when it comes to the crucial details, such as who can visit and under what circumstances. And the courts give great deference to a parent's decision to limit grandparent visitation.

Approximately twenty states have "restrictive" visitation statutes, meaning that generally only grandparents can get a court order for visitation -- and only if the child's parents are divorcing or if one or both parents have died. States with more permissive visitation laws allow courts to consider a visitation request even without the death of a parent or the dissolution of the family, so long as visitation would serve the best interests of the child.

What should I do if I want to limit my child's visitation with grandparents?

Your child's grandparents may take you to court to try to force visitation. If there is a reason why your child should not visit with a grandparent, by all means raise the issue in court. But make sure the reason is one affecting your child's life and not your own needs, pride, or anger.

If there's no valid reason a court would protect the children from the grandparents, it's likely that the grandparents will receive some form of visitation, especially if a prior healthy relationship existed between the grandparents and your children. So if you have to appear in court, it's best to arrive with a proposed visitation schedule in hand. It's better to have your own wishes enforced than to have a judge set the schedule.

It's reasonable to offer between one and three afternoons a month, for a few hours at a time. This could be for lunch and a movie or a play session at the local park. If you and your child don't know the grandparents very well, you can ask the court to allow visitation to occur in your presence. If the grandparents live in another state, visitation over an entire weekend may be considered.

But before you end up in court, try to reach a solution that works for all of you. You may find that a few hundred dollars spent to hire a mediator (neutral third party) to help you reach a visitation agreement is money well spent.