Maintain Civility Throughout the Process

Avoid the "pawn" game. To further minimize the impact of divorce on your children, you should avoid using your child as a pawn to gain leverage in the division of your property, or in other financial disputes. Additionally, avoid allowing your children (especially older children) to use you as a pawn to receive the "easier" living situation. After divorce, children still need limits and consistent discipline. As hard as it is, try to continue to maintain a uniform front with your ex-spouse regarding expectations for desirable behavior (and limits on unacceptable behavior) for your children. In the long run, this too will help your child feel more secure.

Co-operate with your ex-spouse.You should also take steps to ensure an atmosphere of cooperation with your ex-spouse. Often divorcing parents think (or at least hope) that the divorce will more or less rid them of their ex. But, because they have children together, divorcing parents will still have to deal with each other for at least the duration of their children's minority. Therefore, cooperation is essential and will help keep you out of the courts in the future.

Avoid criticizing your ex-spouse, especially in the presence of your children. Instead, allow your child to have a good relationship with both parents. You have divorced (or are in the process of divorcing) your child's parent, but your child has not divorced that parent. Even when their parents are no longer together, children benefit from the love and support of both parents.

While no court can force you and your ex-spouse to work together, the more you and your spouse strive for mutual cooperation, the better your children will weather the divorce, both now and in the years to come.