Many communities have temporary homes called battered women's shelters, where women and their children who are victims of domestic violence may stay until the crisis passes or until they are able to find a permanent place to relocate. The best way to find these shelters is to consult the local police, welfare department, neighborhood resource center or women's center. You can also look in your phone book under Crisis Intervention Services, Human Service Organizations, Social Service Organizations, Family Services, Shelters or Women's Organizations. In some states, the police are required to provide an apparent battering victim a list of referrals for emergency housing, legal services and counseling services.

If you're having trouble finding resources in your area, you can contact the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), 303-839-1852, www.ncadv.org. NCADV provides information and referrals for abused women and their children; they may know of assistance programs near you. Or you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-SAFE (7233), www.ndvh.org.

Whenever you go to court, it's important to keep your emotions in check. The bottom line is that, if you can't testify coherently, the judge won't be able to rule in your favor. Most judges don't respond well to tears, jealousy or anger despite the fact that you may at times feel overwhelmed by such emotions. Do your best to stay calm and state the facts slowly and clearly. If possible, take some time to prepare before you go to court. Write out what you want to say in brief words (like a cheat sheet) using subject headings so you'll remember what's most important. You may even want to practice your statement in front of a trusted friend.

The following suggestions may sound simplistic, but when you're facing a judge, they may make the difference between a successful verdict and dashed hopes.

• Dress as if you were going to a job interview. If this isn't an option for you, just be as neat and well-groomed as possible.
• Don't ever interrupt the judge while she is speaking. This is the golden rule. No matter what she's saying, wait until she's through. Interrupting or arguing is a surefire way to prejudice that judge against you. When she's finished, you should politely ask permission to speak.
• Don't interrupt the opposing party. No matter what verbal concoction your opponent is spewing, he or she has the right to speak freely. Know that you will get your chance to explain or deny what's been said.
• Don't make faces of disgust or shake your head in disbelief during the proceedings. Also, try not to jump up and down if the judge decides in your favor. Very rarely does the decision rendered please everyone. It's best to adopt a professional demeanor and save the anger or celebration for private moments.