A few states do include partners in their list of potential surrogate decision makers -- including Arizona, Delaware, Maine, and New Mexico. However, only New Mexico gives priority to a long-term partner. Other states make room for unmarried partners (sometimes classifying them as "close friends") only if listed family members are unavailable. And, in the few states where domestic partnership is available for same-sex couples, registered partners have priority over other family members. However, no matter what state you live in, you can save your partner a great deal of time and trouble by planning ahead.

There are two documents that permit you to set out your health care wishes, both grouped under the broad label "health care directives." First, you need a health care "declaration," a written statement you make directly to medical personnel that spells out your wishes for medical care if you become incapacitated. Your declaration functions as a contract with your treating doctor, who must either honor your wishes for health care or transfer you to another doctor or facility that will honor them.

The second document is usually called a "durable power of attorney for health care." In this document you appoint the person you choose -- most likely your partner -- to see that your doctors and other health care providers give you the kind of medical care you want to receive. You can also use your durable power of attorney for health care to give your partner (who may be called your "attorney-in-fact," "agent," or "proxy," depending on where you live) other rights to participate in your medical care, including:

• directing your health care under any circumstances that you don't specifically address in your declaration
• hiring and firing medical personnel
• visiting you in the hospital or other facility even when other visiting is restricted
• having access to medical records and other personal information, and
• getting court authorization to enforce your health care wishes if a hospital or doctor refuses to honor them for any reason.