Don't use threats of calling the police to scare children into good behavior. Some parents routinely threaten their children by saying that police will put them in jail if they misbehave. Children who are confronted with these threats are not likely to run to a police officer in an emergency. Parents need to find other ways to discipline children besides turning police into "bogey men." Even if police relations are strained in your community, small children need to feel they can call on the police when they are in danger.

Expect children to break the rules. Children aren't perfect. No matter how many times you tell little Jerry not to take the short-cut through the alley to school or little Susie not to ride her bike through the park alone, there's no guarantee that children will follow your rules at all times. It is important that parents keep the lines of communication open and create an atmosphere in which children feel safe enough to admit when they have broken the rules (when little Jerry takes that short-cut through the alley and loses his backpack to a couple of bullies, or some derelict tries to grab Susie off her bike as she cuts through the park). Children can feel enormous guilt for breaking rules and blame themselves because they feel they should have known better. Although it is often hard for parents to restrain from reacting angrily when children have endangered themselves by breaking safety rules, calmly discussing the consequences of the misbehavior provides an opportunity to reassure children that they can come to their parents when they have broken rules, while at the same time parents can reinforce the wisdom of obeying them.

In teaching children how to defend themselves, parents are acknowledging that they will not always be around to protect them. This admission must be handled delicately, especially with younger children. One approach is to tell children that by learning these skills, they become part of a safety team in the family and neighborhood. In that way, the children feel they are doing their part as members of a network of people who care about him. Use examples from the TV and newspapers of children who saved the lives of siblings or friends or neighbors by knowing how to call 9-1-1.

Critics of self-defense programs for children contend that some youngsters may think they can beat up an adult aggressor. Or they question whether a struggling child might provoke a kidnapper to more violence. Parents should stress that getting away and calling for help are the children's primary defenses. While karate or other martial arts may help develop physical strength and self-confidence, parents must be sure that children do not overestimate their abilities.