It's critical to address a few issues and concerns -- both founded and unfounded -- unique to gay and lesbian adoptive parents so that social workers can examine their own personal biases to make informed decisions. By dispelling the myths and focusing on what really matters, gay and lesbian adoptive families can receive the support they need to thrive, both during the adoption process and after.
The following is a summary of questions, concerns, and persistent myths about gay adoptive parents that are frequently raised.
"What is Sexual Orientation?"
The American Psychological Association (AMA) defines sexual orientation as "one of four components of sexuality distinguished by an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual, or affectionate attraction to individuals of a particular gender. The three other components of sexuality are biological sex, gender identity (the psychological sense of being male or female), and social sex role (the adherence to cultural norms for feminine or masculine behaviors)."
For most people, sexual orientation emerges in early adolescence without any prior sexual experience. Sexual orientation is different from sexual behavior because it refers to innate feelings and self-concept and may not be expressed in behavior. Thus, someone may identity as being LGBTQ even they've never had sex.
Understanding the source of sexual orientation depends on which side of the nature versus nurture debate you fall. Some theories point to genetic or inborn hormonal factors; others to early childhood life experiences. Many believe sexual orientation is shaped at an early age through a combination of environmental, emotional, hormonal, and biological factors.
"Will Children Be Molested by Homosexual Parents?"
As obvious as the answer to this question is, sadly, some people still believe that persons who identify as LGBTQ are sexual predators. There is no legitimate scientific research connecting homosexuality and pedophilia. Sexual orientation (homosexual or heterosexual) is defined as an adult attraction to other adults. Pedophilia is defined as an adult sexual attraction or perversion to children. In a study of child sex abuse cases, offenders are far more likely to identify as heterosexual than homosexual.
More relevant was the finding that among the cases involving molestation of a boy by a man, 74 percent of the men were or had been in a heterosexual relationship with the boy's mother or another female relative. The conclusion was found that "a child's risk of being molested by his or her relative's heterosexual partner is over 100 times greater than by someone who might be identifiable as being homosexual."
"Will Children of Gay or Lesbian Parents Be Teased or Harassed?"
Children of gay men and lesbians are vulnerable to teasing and harassment, particularly as they approach adolescence, when any sign of difference is grounds for exclusion. How much of a problem is it? Is it likely to cause lasting psychological damage?
In general, gay and lesbian parents are well aware of the difficulties that a child may face - many have dealt with prejudice all of their lives. Most see it as an opportunity for ongoing discussion that will help their children grow as people.
In custody cases involving an LGBTQ parent, courts have considered the fact that a child might be teased as contrary to the best interests of the child. They argue that the stigma attached to having a gay or lesbian parent will damage a child's self-esteem, although this has been refuted in many studies. Research has found that although children of gays and lesbians do report experiencing teasing because of their parent(s), their self-esteem levels are no lower than those of children with heterosexual parents.
Nonetheless, social workers and even some LGBTQ adults considering adoption wonder if it's in the best interests of a child to be raised by gay parents. "It can be too hard a transition for some children, especially those who are older and have already formed preconceived notions about homosexuality," explains Abby Ruder, a therapist, lesbian, and adoptive mother. "Younger children usually have an easier time adjusting to a gay and lesbian parented home. They haven't learned the societal biases against gays and lesbians yet."
When a gay person is being considered as a potential adoptive parent for an older child, the child should be told about the person's sexual orientation (depending on the child's age) and asked their feelings about it. If the child is comfortable with the information, the caseworker can proceed to the next step.
"Will Children Raised in Homosexual Households Become Gay?"
The bulk of evidence to date indicates that children raised by gay and lesbian parents are no more likely to become homosexual than children raised by heterosexuals. As one researcher put it, "If heterosexual parenting is insufficient to ensure that children will also be heterosexual, then there is no reason to conclude that children of homosexuals also will be gay".
Studies asking the children of gay fathers to express their sexual orientation showed the majority of children to be heterosexual, with the proportion of gay offspring similar to that of a random sample of the population. An assessment of more than 300 children born to gay or lesbian parents in 12 different samples shows no evidence of "significant disturbances of any kind in the development of sexual identity among these individuals."
"Will Children Develop Problems Growing Up in a Homosexual Household?"
Some courts have expressed concern that children raised by gay and lesbian parents may have difficulties with their personal and psychological development, self-esteem, and social and peer relationships. Because of this concern, researchers have focused on children's development in gay and lesbian families.
The studies conclude that children of gay or lesbian parents are no different than their counterparts raised by heterosexual parents.
In "Children of Lesbian and Gay Parents," a 1992 article in Child Development, Charlotte Patterson states, "Despite dire predictions about children based on well-known theories of psychosocial development, and despite the accumulation of a substantial body of research investigating these issues, not a single study has found children of gay or lesbian parents to be disadvantaged in any significant respect relative to children of heterosexual parents."
Talk to an Attorney About Issues and Concerns Involving Gay and Lesbian Adoptive Parents
Although our society has become increasingly accepting of gay and lesbian relationships and parenting there's still a significant amount of resistance to same-sex relationships in some places. Contact a qualified adoption attorney near you to discuss your questions about how being in a gay or lesbian couple may affect the adoption process, and get legal guidance through the process of adoption.